DAILY THOUGHTS

March 31, 2013

I focused in my work seriously. Halos di ako lumalabas. I worked day & night in my room habang wala si hub. I need to let go of my pains. Very helpful naman ang mga anak ko, they are always there to comfort me. Ang hirap mag move on. Halos ayokong lumabas kc makikita ko yung favorite spot ni Brusko at Brick tas malulungkot lang ako kc wala na sila dun ;(

March 24, 2013

Another shocking day for me. Jane told me that Brusko is gone. Nag hysterical agad ako. Lumabas agad ako ng room para  tingnan kung ano ang nangyari. My God, Brusko is lying on the ground lifeless… Grabe, di ko alam ang gagawin ko. I stood there tearfully. Kahapon ang saya ko pang kinakandong sya,  tapos ngayon wala na sya. Wala na ang dalawa kong pinakamamahal na rooster. Sab & Isha lead me to the kitchen. Binigyan nila ako ng towel and water. They knew how I feel. Mas paborito ko si Brusko kesa kay Brick, alam nila yun. I went to my room without saying a word. Halos di ako maka pag type kasi masyadong blurred ang tingin dahil sa dami ng iyak ko tapos wala pa si Robin. Sinara ko ang ilaw and I mourned silently. Di ko alam kung gaano na katagal akong nakahiga sa kama. Nakatulugan ko na ang pag-iyak. Madilim na nang magising ako. Sobrang worried na pala ang mga anak ko at si Jane kay gumawa sila ng paraan para sunduin si Hub sa bundok. Pinasundo nila ito kay Nardo. Nakita ko na lang na nagbukas ang pinto at dumating si Hub. Silently, nilapitan nya na lang ako at niyakap. di ko alam kung gaano katagal kami sa ganoong pwesto basta I cried silently in his shoulder. Hub knows kung gaano ko kagusto si Brusko…

March 23, 2013

This is my Brusko. A rooster from Lea. He love to sit on my lap and I really love spending time with him esp after a tiring day 😉

Naggrocery ako today with my kids. We bought all their needs, toiletries, junk foods, frozen etc..

At home, I just did my usual house chores. I really miss my hub. 2 days na syang wala. I hope he’s fine, sana man lang makakuha sya ng signal mamaya at mag effort na tawagan ako. Anyway, I’m done bonding with my kids and my pets. I’m really looking forward to Kising and Britne’ys eggs. Sana sooner, mapisa na sila. After a tiring day, I made my usual bonding with Brusko. Sya na alng ang natitirang rooster ko. One of my favorite pet. Kapalit sya ni British at gift sya sa akin ni Lea.

Somehow, nakaka move on ako sa loss ko kay Brick dahil andito pa si Brusko…

March 21, 2013

I woke up early today to monitor my clients. I have a group of Germans and Koreans with pick up from Angeles. Syempre okay na din kami ni Robin. Somehow, naka move on na ako siguro nakatulong din yung pag cheer sakin ng mga anak ko kahapon. Isha offered me several meals yesterday mula umaga hanggang gabi tas nilutuan pa nya ako ng pancake and Nonoy stays beside me to cheer me up kaya nag dinner na din ako kagabi although di pa din magana. Robin won’t be around for few days para maumpisahan na din yung farming project para sa mga Aeta members namin. I asked him to bring rice and supplies to last them for days. I guess I really need sometime to be alone to gather my senses and Robin is very understanding naman with my tantrums. Sa sofa daw siya natulog for 2 nights and he missed me but he knew me well. When I’m mad, ayoko ng sinusuyo. Gusto ko mag subside ng kusa ang nararamdaman ko. Ang ganda ng sikat ng araw 😉 Madami na din ako nagawa kahit 8:38am pa lang ay na update ko na ang mga websites ko, I’m done answering e-mails at mamaya, lalabas siguro ako para mag grocery with the kids…

March 20, 2013

Today, I posted an announcement via FB regarding Aeta Village immersion this summer. Marami naman ang nag PM at nag inquire at gusto mag join. Mejo gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko…

I was surprised to receive SMS message from Albert, one of my Tour Coordinator. He is asking if I’m okay and that he is worried because I stayed in my room for 2 days and skipped my meals. Honestly, I was touched by his message and assured him that there is nothing to worry about and that I’m just sad because I lost one of my pet and that I will get over it in time. I always feel this way whenever I lost something important to me and my white rooster Brick is one of many pets that I lost over the years and the feelings is always the same. It’s so heartbreaking that I lost my appetite and opt to stay in my room for 2 days now. Anyway, hayaan nyo na muna akong maging emo. Kahit pa sinasabi nila madalas na dragon ako but then, I’m in my weakest pag ang involve ay ang mga tao o bagay na malapit sa puso ko. Ganito na talaga ako at madami ang di nakakaalam nito kasi ang alam nila pusong bato ako…

March 19, 2013

I stayed in my room since yesterday afternoon and never go out. Nakatulugan ko na nga ung lungkot at inis as in mixed emotion ba. Sino ba namang matutuwa eh nawala na pala si Brick nung March 17 pa pero di man lang nila sinabi sa akin. Alam ko ginawa nila yun para di ako magalit o malungkot ang sa akin lang naman, they could always break it to me gently at least di naman ako nagmukhang tanga. Ang sakit kaya nung alam na ng lahat as in maliban na lang sayo. Syempre kahit pa nga gano ka ka composed na tao, mawawala ka sa katinuan. Pati nga yung anak kong si Sab, tinuruan pa nilang magsinungaling at sabihin sakin na nasa loob daw ng Net si Brick at nakawala lang eh panu nga mangyayari yun eh nung dumungaw ako nung March 17 sa bintana ay nakita ko pa si Brick na palakad lakad sa likod habang tinitingan sya ng aso kong si Cea. Tsk! Nakakainis lang talaga. Tinawagan ko pa nga si Liza para lang ma divert ang mood ko, pero syempre di ko na sinabi sa kanya ang nangyari coz I know Liza has enough burden at ayoko ko na kayang dumagdag pa, anyway para sa iba eh manok lang naman yung nawala noh. Pero kahit na! I will miss you Brick! huhuhu 😦

March 18, 2013

I had a bad day today… I lost my rooster Brick. Ang masakit, kahapon pa pala sya nawawala pero di man lang sinabi sakin. Ang saya ko pa nung umaga. I was awakened by the knocks of my Aeta Porters, Sorizo & Joseph. We planned about the farming project and divided several crops among the groups. Joseph planned to plant root crops such as Gabi which costs 1,000php per sack. According to him, he already set aside 2 sacks so I bid another  2 additional sacks of Gabi for his group. Sorizo will plant vegetable and will open a small sari-sari store, Jhun will take care of the mushroom, and Monching groups will try white corn. We agreed that Robin and Jhun will join the trek on March 21 bringing the rest of the seedlings and they will stay for at least 2 to 3 nights to check the area and help the Aeta team to plant their crops.

They left early and I headed to my desk to finish my tasks when I heard voices from the backyard. I ran to my kid’s room and open their window to know what’s happening and I noticed that Brick is gone. I shout out load and called the attention of my staffs and told them that I can’t see Brick and they need to check it. They stared at me and told me that Brick is gone since yesterday. The fuck! My rooster is gone and nobody is talking. What the hell! I am in the verge of crying…

You’re a batch of liars! That’s my last word then I run to my room and locked my door. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying in my bed. Maga na din ang mata ko… Walang ganang kumain… Nakatulugan ko na nga lang yung pag iyak at lungkot. Ni hindi ko alam kung san natulog si Robin kasi di ko na binuksan ang pinto at ilaw. I need to mourn…

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This is my rooster Brick. Yung other half nya na hen ay si Kising at me ilang egg na naiwan. I hope na maging sisiw ung lahi ni Brick….

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